...a number of times recently, anyone mind if I play devil's advocate?
Thing is, it seems to me that people are quick to label people who criticise overweight people as discriminatory (fairly so in some cases), even if they are quite tentative about the way they word it. However, when I see weight questions here on the parenting board, and anybody mentions the fact that they're very slim or a small dress size, they're almost always criticised, called disgusting, accused of lying, and on the receiving end of many thumbs downs.
Why do people assume that if somebody says they're a size 0 or 1 or whatever, that they're lying, or worthy of criticism? Why do the folk who believe it think a thin person is any more likely to suffer from an eating disorder than an overweight person, rather than perhaps just being built that way? Why is it so much more taboo to criticise overweight people than underweight?
For the record I don't condone any form of judgement towards over or underweight folk. I'm not saying one is more/less okay than the other. It just annoys me to see such an enormous backlash against those who criticise one group, whilst there being zero backlash towards the many who criticise the other. And I know this probably isn't a majority view, I'm sure most here are as fair as myself, but I'm addressing the minority who go by this double standard. And in case anyone's wondering, I'm not underweight, right now I'm a healthy UK size 8 (which I believe is an american 4) so I have no bias one way or the other.|||Yeah, what Pdooma said, but it still isn't right. By making fun of skinny people, we're condoning judging people solely on weight.
Many of these thin people that come on here bragging about their weight are doing it to build themselves up by tearing others down. I bet there are a lot of us on this board that are large, for the sheer reason alone that 60% of Americans are "fat." I've outed myself before, but I'm fat. I was 270 lbs when I was in 8th grade. I've been up and down from there and have lost over 100 lbs twice before. I was no better person at 165 then I was at 340.
FWIW, I'm somewhere between my heaviest and thinnest and am hot as hell ;)
Even though I could pretend to be as thin as Katherine Zeta Jones, I see no reason to do so. I'm not ashamed of who I am. It's irrelevant to my weight.
I do wonder if anyone's view of me changes with this knowledge, and if not, if they'd still think I was so awesome (ok, I admit I think too well of myself) if this were the first post of mine they read.|||people who have a tendency to judge or criticize people dont care who it is, its just their nature and they are always going to have something to say about someone.i chalk it up to being unhappy and not content in their own lives so they feel they have to throw off on others to feel better about themselves.|||i think more often in this society people see obesity as a character flaw and being very thin as exhibiting some kind of overachieving competitive streak.
i think both judgments are ridiculous, harmful, and depressing.|||The world is just full of judgmental douche bags that like to make assumptions.
My 6 year old was overweight from around 3-5 years old. In all honestly it was her dad and my fault. We both use to work and she would be dropped off at my grandmas from 9am-9pm. No exercise.
At 3 she was chubby for kids 3-4 times her age. At 5 years old there was a point where she was using a size 10!!
People would say ''omg she's so chunky, what are you feeding her? why is she so fat? put the kid on a diet" ... This came from family members too.. So she at only 5 she was being judged foe being FAT
When I left my job, I started taking her out more, on walks, to the park everyday, she would go outside and run around and she started kinder so I started walking her to school instead of driving. She lost the extra weight fast. Now she's 6 years old and weighs 47 lbs which is great for her age and height.
Guess what though??
The same people who use to call her FAT now make comments like "omg you're so skinny, does your mom feed you"
My daughter has asked me before "why does everyone always make fun of me, when I was fat people called me fat now people make fun of me because I'm skinny"
So before I was over feeding her and now I don't feed her. *sigh*|||It's kind of like the popular girl being out of place at the chess club meeting and then wondering why no one likes her. How many disparaging comments do thin people get compared to heavy people? I have a very good friend who has been both very thin and very fat. She's been on both sides of the spectrum. She says she was always complimented on her thinness, and only once was told she needed to eat a sandwich. Now, after a traumtic life event, she's pushing 300 and people approach her daily and make comments on her weight, telling her to exercise once in a while, to stop eating, and that she's a disgusting human being. While the one time thin comment hurt, it's nothing like getting bombarded on a daily basis.
Not saying it's right in either case, but I think the overweight of the world is tired of being told what to do and how to look by the skinny people.
EDIT: Chalking it up to jealousy is a cop out. Not everyone wants to be skinny. I'm skinny myself and I'd love to be another 20 lbs or so heavier like I was when I was in my 20s. But it's simplifying the matter just to say it's jealousy. Being discriminated against because you're heavy isn't just jealousy. When someone looks at you and thinks you're lazy and stupid simply because you're heavy, then perhaps you'll understand.
INKED: You'll also notice that several people who agreed with you also got all thumbs up. So pointing out Tex as the example is a bit one sided.|||I agree with you 100%.
I think it's at least partly jealousy or refusal to accept that other people have nice bodies, whether by working hard for it or by nature, and insecurity with their own self. The EASY conclusion for them is that anyone who is thin is either lying, so self absorbed that they work constantly with no attention to anything else to be that way, or is puking up food - either way, it's safe because it assumes thin people immoral by default, thereby making themselves moral by default.
I'm thin. I've always been thin. I probably always will be thin. I eat like a football player because of my high activity level and metabolism, and I've never puked intentionally. My entire biological family and adoptive family, save for distant relatives, is thin, and my kids are too. That is the fault of genetics, and I can no more control it than people who by their genetics are prone to gaining weight easily. I had nothing to do with these genes being passed onto me, I wasn't even there when it happened, okay?
I'm getting pretty tired of being assumed to be a ***** just because of the number on my scale or what size clothes I wear. What, if I gain 70 pounds, will I seem more approachable or something? Do people want me to gain 70 pounds just so my body won't be threatening to them for whatever reason?
People would be absolutely outraged if someone today said obese people were immoral, b!tchy, and were selfish brats, yet it's perfectly acceptable and even cheered on when that's said about those of us who aren't.
I don't have anything against overweight people. They're no different from me, and I don't approach them as being any different. I do, however, take issue when I'm assumed by them or by anyone else to be a bad/(insert whatever adjective you like) person because of my BMI, which I have little to no control over. I would be thrilled to gain 15 pounds and stabilize at that. But I don't worry about it. I like my body. I'm comfortable in it. There's things I dislike, but what can I do? If that's not good enough for someone else, and they want to shun me or think me immoral/self-absorbed for it, then they aren't worth my time any more than I'd be worth theirs if I shunned them for being overweight or average.|||I don't think it's appropriate to comment on people's weight, whether they are thin or fat or anything in between. For me it's an extremely personal issue and strangers rarely know the reason why obese people are obese or very skinny people are skinny. We are now trained to believe that overweight people are lazy and out of control, and skinny people are anorexic and probably exhibit pathological behavior to be a size 0. As outsiders, we don't know how people eat and, as much as other people would like to believe it, we cannot know how healthy a person is just by staring at their body fat (or lack thereof).
However, I would still frown upon, or at least feel uncomfortable, a skinny person who brings their own weight and size on an issue pertaining obesity. What does a skinny person's weight has to do with another person's obesity? It seems very unnecessary and honestly, I would interpret it as the skinny person rubbing it in to other people. Kind of like saying "you have no right to be fat. I am a size 0 and it doesn't cost me that much". Now, is it about solving a problem or announcing to the world the size of your jeans? I don't see how it helps or how it's relevant.
And of course, overweight people are subject to much more cruelty and mockery than skinny people. It's just a fact. People get a free pass at making fat jokes and exhibiting cruel attitudes towards fat people. Simply by taking a walk down a high school hallway or window shopping at the mall, it becomes immediately obvious that it's ok to praise and admire the skinny, while turning a blind eye or even participating when others are being nasty to overweight people. So yes, while I agree that people may be insensitive or indiscreet when they meet someone who is very thin, they are more often than not showered with positive attention, admiration and acceptance. Fat people might get kudos and love for other things but never for their weight, and in turn, they take a lot more crap.
EDIT: Now I get what you mean Inkedmama, and I agree. I've heard more than a handful of spiteful conversations directed at women who just recently gave birth and are actively trying to lose the extra weight of their pregnancies or that simply slimmed down, usually courtesy of women who have had a harder time or claim to have no interest on regaining their pre-pregnancy bodies. I find this attitude to be hypocritical and immature, because when a person is comfortable and happy with their size and body they don't bicker and back stab about other people's figures. Therefore, when this conversation comes up I interpret is as jealousy and simply nastiness.
It's not fair to censor people just because they have either accomplished something that is harder for us (like losing weight which is easier for some people by virtue of genetics and physical activity) or because we feel compelled to put down others to validate our own opinions. If the question is "are you back to your pre-pregnancy size yet?" or "how much time do you spend excercising?" no one should be censored or criticized for giving an honest answer. The fact that some people do things differently doesn't mean that we are wrong.
I for one tried to actively lose baby weight by excercising within weeks of giving birth. It is important to me to stay physically active and fit, it's important for my health and, as vain as it might seem, I try to stay in shape. A lot of mothers around me who gave birth at the same time wanted to stone me and accused me of abandoning my infant and being a lousy parent. I never understood how "trying to lose weight" = "defective parent". Later I understood that it is a passive-aggressive mechanism for other women who chose to do things differently to make sure they are on the right path. It's annoying and immature, and I'm sure this is only an example of how we try to gain validation by finger pointing.|||I don't care if your thin or fat. All I care about is "are you happy with yourself?" and "are you comfortable in your own skin?".
To me though, being a size 0 or 1 is unhealthy and looks sickly. That's just my opinion. If people want to be that thin and they still eat, that's their business. People who take opinions personally (and send petty emails), well I don't know what to tell you.
What I can't stand is the skinny people saying things like "having a baby is no excuse to carry a little extra weight". Well *pardon me*! Re-toning this stomach of mine will be difficult as it is. And so what if I have 10 extra pounds on me? Does that mean I can't be happy or that I've "let myself go"? I'm just saying, you don't have to rail thin to be happy or feel sexy.
*I apologize if I offended anyone with my opinion. I just believe that women are meant to be curvy. I do recognize that not all skinny, slender women are that way because of an eating disorder or by choice.
I would like to comment that I do have a very small son who is quite thin, but it's because of a really high metabolism. So I do realize that some people are just naturally skinny.|||I agree with you completely and it's not just on here either. I have always been thin and petite. I've had 4 children and I'm a size 4 but I am small boned and short. I weigh 112 right now. Before having children I weighed 100lbs soaking wet and I always ate like a pig. I just have a high metabolism. It's catching up with a little now that I am approaching 40 though and I do gain weight if I'm not careful.
My husband's side of the family are all large people. I remember when we were dating I got so tired of his family (his mom, sister, aunts etc...) constantly telling me I look sick or that I need to gain some weight. If I had told them they were fat and unhealthy and needed to lose weight they would have been offended but somehow they saw it as fine to tell me I was not right even though I ate like a normal person and just happen to be a small person.
I recently dieted a little because I had got up to 128 which was the most I've ever weighed and I started feeling heavy. I was a size 6/7 which is not overweight but I was at the high side of my normal weight range for my age and height. I lost 23lbs and got down to 105 (size 4). I have gained back 7 lbs now (112) and recently I saw my mother in law and she told me I was looking too thin again. UGH I'm not too thin I'm right where every BMI calculator says I should be.
EDIT: Tex you say "To me though, being a size 0 or 1 is unhealthy and looks sickly. That's just my opinion. If people want to be that thin and they still eat, that's their business"
Why do people assume that if someone is a size 1 it's because they want to be? Some people are simply made that way. I used to be a size 1 before I had children and I ate like a pig and never even worried or thought about my weight. Some people just have a high metabolism and are small boned. For the longest time I was mistaken for a 12 year old even when I was 19. I went to a public pool where it was $5. if you were over 12 and it was $3. under 12. I was 19 and the lady gave me back $2.! It's just the way I was built and having a very small chest doesn't help either LOL
my point is people shouldn't assume that just because someone is a size 1 doesn't mean they are that way because they have tried to be by dieting or not eating enough.|||I understand both points of view so I generally stay out of it, I've been a size 16 and a size 8 (Australian sizes) so I know both sides, if you eat well and are really super skinny, like my mother who I'll point out eats well (she's type 2 diabetic) and weighs under 60 kilos, or you eat well and are still large (me atm) then I don't think people should criticise, if you are this way because you eat junk or jojo diet then I think these people should get over it, it's there fault they are that weight so expect criticism.|||i agree with you.
i cant say i've noticed too much on here, but in my life i have suffered many a dirty look and snidey comment.
as you know i have many kids, and im lucky enough that after each child i can go back to a size 8-10 uk size.
even at 30 weeks pregnant i get commented that im too skinny and theres nothing of me for being so far on. then when im not pregnant i get wow you look great for having so many kids, how do they think i would look if i didn't have any????
in my teens though, i was generally alot larger so i have seen both sides of the coin, the cheer leader type girls would make you feel so unwanted and rejected cause i had abit of a jelly belly, and thunder thighs.......ugh......makes me feel sick when i think of how i let them get to me!!!!
but i never make comment on peoples weight as i don't see the point.
i see the person.................fat or thin! :))|||If I had to guess, I'd say that people criticize skinny people because they are jealous. You're right; some people are just built really small. Those who are overweight or have a more average build wish they were naturally skinny.
Like I said, just my guess.|||They sound and smell fine, but fat people look awful. Their appearnce annoys me, kinda like bad art.
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